don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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