your thong is hanging out like whoa
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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