he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
