A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
