I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
