So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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