Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
