If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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