i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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