All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
