saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize