She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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