I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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