i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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