If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
