I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
