He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
