I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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