i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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