i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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