Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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