Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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