sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
