I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Rumble strips road head = magical
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
