everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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