I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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