Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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