there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
