Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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