I am in a vortex of obligation.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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