is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
