how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
