He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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