she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
