Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
