what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
