I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
