ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
