So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
