dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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