College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
