When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Someone shattered a urinal.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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