Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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