I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
