Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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