matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
