He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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