You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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