remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
