My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
