Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
