I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
