Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
