My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
