Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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