uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
