I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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