so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
