i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
