WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
