Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
