the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
